A Real Inconvenient Truth

“An Inconvenient Truth.”  This documentary cast Hollywood’s spotlight on the infamous threat of Global Warming, bringing the controversial issue to the nation’s forefront; as if you didn’t know.  Ominous statistics, shocking photos and Al Gore’s southern charm single-handedly gave the issue of climate change the political boost necessary to rally support throughout the country, and put serious pressure on Capitol Hill to help America go green.  Really and truly this movie may shape the future of our planet.        

Here, my friends, is the real inconvenient truth: it’s a horrible date movie.  Hands down, it’s probably the worst thing you could watch.  Now, you maybe be thinking to yourself, “Stuart, why would you say such a thing?”  I will tell you.

I wouldn’t want to even begin to fathom the number of pregnancies due to this film.  After about fifteen minutes of pie charts and bar graphs, any couple will look for alternative activities; alternative stimulation, if you will.  One thing leads to another and nine months later baby Albert is on the way.  On the other hand, nothing kills my libido like a solid documentary.   The CO2 statistics (summited only by Mr. Gore’s cherry picker) stand tall enough to humble even the most confident of men, and that polar bear without an iceberg always makes me tear.  The only outcome is an inevitable awkwardness between two people.  So do the right thing, don’t watch this movie on a date.  Your social life as you know it may lie in the balance.

So it begins… again

I can be such a perfectionist sometimes.  It’s a horrible habit, especially when it comes to the women folk.  I think most men can relate.  It’s selfish really, but sometimes there’s that one thing about a girl I just can’t get over.  Maybe she doesn’t flush.  That bothers me.  Maybe she chews with her mouth open.  Gross.  Maybe she’s psycho.  Oh my.  Whatever it is, it eats away at me, day by day, until ultimately I can’t take it anymore and I am forced to “Next” her.

Humans can be so tough on each other.  I can’t say I’m completely innocent, but it seems like the criticism never stops.  I wish most days that we could all get along… a world where everyone would laugh and sing while the Dave Matthews Band play in the background.  I’m getting a woody just thinking about it.

Really, I just want a girl who smells good.  Some guys like to judge a girl by the size of her assorted body parts, but come on boys, let’s live and learn.  All that stuff gets saggy anyway.  The only thing that matters to me is what a girl does for my olfactory.  Ladies, I can’t begin to explain how much I love to come home and have your scent all over me; I’m like a Basset Hound.  I don’t care what you look like, if you smell good, I’m all for it.  Though, I will warn all those independent women out there that they should only wear that Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, or Gwen Stefani stuff if they want to smell like whore.  Case closed.

So it begins…

Alas, it begins.  This marks my first entry in the world of blog.  Earlier today I was intercepted by one “Matt Case” outside the Panda Express located in the HUB at the Pennsylvania State University.  He approached me and later seduced me with the idea of “blogging,” a virtual diary he described as being read by millions as a means of expression and emotional release.  He told me that those who blog intend to interact with the host of peoples that populate the Interweb, sharing stories, connecting on a personal level, and ultimately coming together as a community of dreamers.

Actually, he didn’t say anything like that.  Honestly, he told me that he’d give me five bucks if I agreed to sign up for this thing because he was self conscious about the length of his blogroll list.  I was like, “OK man, take it easy, I’ll do it,” as he sat there crying to himself.  Happy, Matt?

In reality, I’m pretty excited to start up this page.  I figure I’ll try to be insightful when I can, but mostly I’ll probably just rant about girls and music.  Anywho, here goes nothing, and hopefully when you get bored you can always blog on your pillow.